Shizuku Sudo
Co-Representative Director
Kumamoto Association for Persons with Developmental Disabilities, Little Bit

I have been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, and Bipolar Disorder. There are many difficult things in life, but the way I perceive things is unique, and I sometimes feel extremely anxious and worry about things that other people cannot imagine.

I used to be very resistant to using caregivers. I couldn't get rid of the deeply embedded idea that I should be able to do everything around me perfectly by myself, and when I couldn’t, I would severely blame myself and become very fatigued. I didn’t want to waste my energy this way, so I decided to use a caregiver to reduce the burden and create the energy to focus on what I really wanted to do and what is possible for me. Currently, I am receiving assistance in the areas of cleaning, washing dishes, cooking, shopping, etc. (Photo 1). As a result, I started blaming myself for not being able to do things much less than before and was able to use my energy more positively. I realized that it is important in life to boldly rely on others for things I can't do.

Photo 1 Caregiver cleaning

I have several power spots or places that I go to that calm my mind and motivate me. These places include a park in Kumamoto City called Ezuko Park and a donut shop called ｍister Donut. There are times when I feel better when I just go to any cafe. The before mentioned Ezuko Park has a very peaceful atmosphere, and I can forget all about time (Photo 2). I think it is important to know “where”and “how” I can become energized. It is a great strength to be able to regain one’s energy while using only one’s own power even when alone. At ｍister Donut, I am very particular and always only eat one kind of donut called  Pon de ring. My mind is simple, so when I eat a couple of sweet donuts, I seem to be able to refresh myself and sometimes come up with various new ideas.

Photo 2: Fallen leaves taken at Ezuko Park. One of the places where I can relax

The last thing I would like to introduce is the Developmental Disabilities Party Association. I have been involved in this association for over 10 years. There are ways to cheer myself up on my own, but when I feel anxious or narrow-minded, I participate in it in search of an opportunity to talk with someone and reconsider myself and my actions (Photo 3). By getting together several times a month and spending time with my friends, I am exposed to various ways of thinking and values, and my world (opinions) gets a lot bigger. Sometimes I don’t want to go because I'm tired, but I've never regretted going once I arrive.

As I live my life, my worries never end, but I live today while hoping that I can continue to find a way to solve these problems on my own. I would also like to continue having others (caregivers) aid me while in some way helping others at the same time.

Photo 3 An association meeting